Stepping Into Practice
If you’re new to meditation, then we have more than just T1D in common.
While some of us may have tried meditation here or there, many of us have struggled to build a consistent practice into our lives. I always enjoyed meditation when I tried it, but never felt the need to sit regularly. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with diabetes that my practice began to become part of my daily routine. My first more substantial exposure to meditation was through yoga.
I was diagnosed with T1D later than many, at 54. It was February in New York, and I felt completely lost and alone, the cold dark days mirroring my inner world despite the support of friends and loved ones. I needed help to re-center myself, to learn to live a new way, though I wasn’t sure what that way was. There was a Yoga class near my home, and I felt drawn to it, probably wanting a diversion. I didn’t realize that little diversion would seed a new path that would include a daily meditation practice and more connection with T1D. Yoga quickly became a form of moving meditation, a time that I set for myself, to be fully present, and to eventually experience a sense of calm and joy. I was drawn to practitioners who would share readings as part of the practice, who engaged in breath work and who spoke of kindness and compassion. For me, it just felt right. Yoga helped to center me. The door to meditation was opened—but it took several years for me to walk through it.
It wasn’t until the beginning of the pandemic that my life shifted once again. Overnight, millions, and eventually billions, of us had to again adjust to a new way of being. In that process, I began to work more online. Really, I began to live more online. On one hand, I felt very connected with others in the Diabetes Online Community. On the other hand, I felt disconnected, as if my life had been interrupted. In the midst of this confusing time, I came across a six-week class on meditation through Diabadass, a community-based organization and group of friends I had connected with.
The course was created and offered by Sam Tullman, a fellow T1D (who many of you know as another facilitator!). Each week we learned about the different elements of our practice— breath, sitting, a present mind—and practiced meditation live. And we ‘shared’ what we experienced as related to our practice—and our lives with Type One Diabetes. During this time, I became aware of how the many challenges I had living with T1D also had similar roots in the traditional mindfulness practice. I began to realize—and experience —how mindfulness could help me with acceptance, non-judgement, non-reactivity. And at the core of mindfulness was that life itself—like my diabetes—was unpredictable and always changing. I could relate. With the group meeting weekly, I also began to experience what it was like to practice meditation with a ‘sangha,’ which was one of the early seeds of the Diabetes Sangha community we have today.
I felt a strong connection to the mindfulness practices—and when the course ended, I wanted more. Sam invited me to join a group that he led nightly on zoom (www.secondcocoon.com), and I began to experience what it meant for me to have a consistent meditation practice. Initially I practiced one or two days a week, but I eventually found myself sitting with this Sangha—this transformational community — every week night. I also began to sit silently in the morning, at first for 5 minutes—and slowly overtime being able to sit for 45 minutes or longer. I felt more grounded than ever before, and more connected —to myself and others.
There was no grand plan—life just unfolded for me, as it always had, as it always does for all of us.
My consistent practice was having a subtle but real effect on me. Overtime, I began to realize that I was responding to situations differently than I had in the past, that certain things felt easier. I was less triggered by the daily challenges of T1D, in fact by many daily challenges. This was no magic pill, no quick fix —but a gradual realization that things felt better, and that it was OK for me to be more in touch with my feelings.
I also quickly learned that meditation is not easy all the time—and indeed, that that is not its purpose. Many times practice can be difficult. But dedicating the time and space to myself to just sit and be present, goes beyond my sense of easy and difficult; it is an end in and of itself.
Developing a consistent practice does not need to be overwhelming. In my case, consistency grew organically, as I felt the fruits of my labor (rather than meditating because I thought I should). Even a few minutes a day can make a world of difference. Change can unfold slowly, and even just being aware of these changes takes time and care. But at the same time, there is also real purpose in getting to know the ‘me’ that is blossoming along with my practice.
(Peter is one of the facilitators of the DiabetesSangha, a community of friends impacted by Type One Diabetes who come together in meditation with love, compassion and kindness. The schedule of offerings and events can be found at www.DiabetesSangha.com.)
