Words are Windows..or they’re walls. By Briana Schiavoni

Words are windows… or they’re walls. 

I’ve always been interested in word-play; thanks to my father’s relentless puns and the gift given to me by way of mnemonic devices (i.e., tricks to help recall and retain information).  Always interested but likely out of touch with the power and potential of language until that day in my endocrine’s office: “Let’s see it,” said my new pediatric provider; pointing toward my newly purchased medical ID bracelet. It was 14K gold, no read paint, quite dainty, and discrete. At age 14, I was particularly concerned about how this new diagnosis would affect my image; but also and always eager to please those in a position to judge me. I flashed a smile and flipped it over to reveal the label I’d inadvertently given myself: ‘Diabetic’. He frowned and playfully knocked my hand to the side before asserting, “You’ll have to order a new one.” I countered, “But why?!” Without a beat, he responded: “Because it does not define you, Brianna. You get to define it.” 

This, I would later learn while seeking a degree in psychology - was narrative medicine; and what Dr. Desmond Schatz did for me that day – absolutely priceless. 

I have come to believe that what we say and how we say it matters – on a cellular level. When I label myself ‘diabetic’ my physical body becomes a prison to the problem. In other words, the problem lies inside of me; I am the problem. But when I establish myself as ‘a person with diabetes’, the problem-area shifts; as does there appear to emerge a space between ‘it’ and ‘me’. I am no longer the problem; the problem is the problem. 

In the former construct, I am too close to the chaos; which can lead to all sorts of intrusive thoughts and unpleasant emotions that quickly and stealthily carry me away to a world of confusion and constriction. In the latter expression, though, I have a degree of choice and personal agency. I get to define and redefine my relationship with the chaos. In fact, I get to define and redefine how I respond to my thoughts, feelings, urges, and experiences at large; because I’ve given myself the space to see. And, when I change the way that I speak about things, I change the way that I think about things; and when I change the way that I think about things, I change the way that I feel about things; and when I change the way that I feel about things, the things I experience – change… Ruth Bebermeyer says it best in a poem written to introduce nonviolent communication to students at large: “Words are windows, or they’re walls. They sentence us, or set us free”. 

At some point along my path to improved mental health and wellness, I grew tired of wearing jewelry in addition to my medical equipment. To remind myself of these and other meaningful constructs and to help me circle back to the wisdom at-hand, I had the following tattooed onto my forearm: Diabetes 1 (I am > than my ⌃ highs and v lows).

Unfortunately, most of us end up living life imprisoned by automatic thoughts and habitual ways of responding to biochemical messengers we call ‘feelings’ or ‘emotions’. We are never taught to see ourselves as separate from the internal processes that were never built to rule us but, rather, to inform us. For many, the idea of changing the way that we think about things is entirely too abstract and – seemingly – inaccessible; but I’m here to offer keys to the proverbial cage. I’m here to share what’s worked for me in hopes of offering you, too, a newfound sense of agency. Here, my friends are keys to higher states of consciousness, intentionality and (ultimately) personal transformation if wholeheartedly accepted. NOTE: Tattoo ink is not required. 

Key #1: Mindfulness as a practice in learning to witness, and ultimately work with, your mind-stuff. A practice in repositioning yourself as the observer of thoughts, feelings, urges, and actions; most of which have been reinforced over time and occur habitually without consciousness. Just as Dr. Schatz helped me to see myself as separate from my chronic condition, so too can mindfulness help you to see yourself as separate from the inner workings that generally run-show. Try it: The next time you become aware of internal chaos (e.g., a busy mind, the flood of sensation, or urgent impulse); grab a snow-globe, shake it up, and sit back. Find and deepen your breath, as you watch the projection of your inner experience swirl and settle right before your eyes. For more, check out this  Mind Jar Meditation  on our DiabetesSangha YouTube Channel and check out the details on our sangha’s 6-week course, entitled Being with Diabetes: Meditation as Medicine; premiering in January of 2022!

Key #2: Word-play as a form of inquiry and personal-development. An opportunity to investigate the ways in which the limits of our language dictate the limits of our world-view; and an invitation to explore semantics as a portal to meaning-making, healing, self-awareness, and empowerment. When we bring curiosity and consciousness to the stories that we tell ourselves, we begin to realize just how frequently and easily language-traps occur; and just how intimately woven our thoughts, feelings and actions are. Try it: The next time you hear yourself saying “I have to” or “I should”; see what happens energetically and emotionally when you reframe the response with “I choose to… because I want…” For more on this, consider working with a mental health counselor trained in the use of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). For a list of therapists with expertise in supporting persons with diabetes, check out the ADA’s Mental Health Provider Directory. 

Key #3: Compassionate communication (AKA ‘nonviolent communication’ or NVC) as a practice paradigm in learning work with what Dr. Marshall Rosenberg calls ‘a language of life’. The form is simple but profoundly transformative. Through practice we can learn to separate evaluations from observations; give voice to our felt experiences and emotions; connect our feelings to that which matters most to us - universal human needs; and to make meaningful requests of ourselves and of others. While this form of communication requires some degree of education and application, most find that with a little insight and engagement; the tools create a path for understanding and healing. Try it: Join me on the 3rd Wednesday of each month at 8:15PM EST for practice in empathic-exchange. Check out the educational components on our sangha’s YouTube channel here. 

Words are windows, or they’re walls; but either way, there are keys to transcend the limits of language (and the limits to your life as you know it, in turn : ) 

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For more on this author – one of our sangha’s peer facilitators – and the dynamic work that she is doing to empower persons with chronic conditions as a counselor and coach; visit Mindful Milestones. To view how others living with chronic illnesses and conditions like diabetes have found freedom through word-play, check out Bri’s passion project: Dear Diagnosis and consider interacting with the content to show support. For a sense of her style as a meditation instructor, check out our live meditation schedule.